Work-Place Romance: How To Negotiate The Appropriate

In the past, office relationships have been 100%, completely, totally, and unequivocally forbidden. They were considered distracting and unprofessional. To some extent that is still the case. The only issue with completely forbidding them now is that the company will have a mutiny on their hands. Office relationships are becoming increasingly common, especially in the past decade. This is because people are getting married later. It used to be that people would get married in their early twenties and they would marry their high school, sometimes college, sweetheart. These days, people aren’t getting married until their late twenties, sometimes into their mid-thirties. Because of this, it is very rare that someone would still be dating, and then marry, their high school. At this age the people you are surrounded with are your co-workers, thus, these are the people you begin to date.

This phenomenon is actually more popular than most people realize, even with office restrictions in place. According to a report by Women’s Health Magazine on a 2009 Careerbuilders.com survey, 40% of more than 8,000 U.S. employees have been in an office relationship, 31% of these people have married that co-worker. Presumably in the past two years, these numbers have increased. Regardless of the fact that the numbers point to how common these relationships have become, there are still certain guidelines that you should adhere to if you intend to enter into a relationship with a co-worker.

The number one thing to remember is to maintain a level of secrecy, especially at the beginning of your relationship. There is no reason to cause an unnecessary stir, or even some major drama, if the relationship isn’t going to become serious. Wait a few months before you start making your relationship public, and even then, make it public slowly. Don’t let everyone know you are dating by making-out in the hallways. And on that note, public displays of affection (P.D.A.) should really not happen in the office no matter what aside from, possibly, holding hands.

Another thing that is usually inappropriate is to date a subordinate, or to make that public. It is much more likely to become a case of harassment or to look like manipulation. On the other hand, according to the Women’s Health Magazine of the 40% of people who have dated a co-worker, 34% have dated a higher up. Therefore it is not impossible to date a subordinate, but it does require a higher level of discretion.

Once your relationship has become serious and/or public, be sure to stay discreet. Keep your relationship drama at home. Remember, you are first and foremost co-workers in the office. What you do when you leave the office is your own business. Where it is particularly difficult to maintain these boundaries is at office parties/outings. This is a situation where it is a little bit more relaxed, so you can act as a couple, but don’t act as an exclusive couple. Make sure you still interact with other co-workers and especially your bosses. Office parties are a great place to network and have conversations with higher-ups that you may not speak to on a daily basis. If you’re ignoring everyone else at the party in favor of your significant other, you will be missing out on some valuable time.

When in doubt as to the ins and outs of office relationships, discretion is key. Even though these relationships are becoming more accepted they can still make other co-workers feel uncomfortable, and nobody wants that!